Eve, Adam and the Fruit
We know the story given in Genesis that Eve ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil and then shared the fruit with Adam. This has been a topic of thought on my mind and heart since two years ago when I learned I was to write the real cause of the Fall. How do I know the real cause of the Fall? I lived Eve's fall. That may sound preposterous and absurd, for what would be that purpose? I do believe that there is no way to know from Scripture what sin Adam and Eve did from the little we are given in those verses about them. Adam especially is only mentioned in Genesis and then a few more times in the New Testament especially from St. Paul.
Before I go further into what I came to know as the cause of Eve's fall I need to share some of my experiences and testimony to what I witnessed happened to me. Much of those applicable experiences have been mentioned in the previous articles, and more of the understanding of what happened in my third marriage is covered herein. For it is in that marriage and separation that Eve was to come to light in my consciousness. I was purposely made aware of this connection immediately upon our separation so that I could make the connection later when everything had unfolded. The fact that I replayed what was going to happen to me in this 2009 public separation and divorce from early in life having the need to replay the scene over and over again in my fantasies of being criticized and wrongly condemned is significant. The fact that throughout all my life the only place I knew I wanted to move to one day was Virginia, where I did finally move to in 2008, and where this separation and divorce unfolded is significant. When my first husband asked me where I wanted to buy property to live I immediately answered, "West Virginia" not Virginia. We bought one hundre acres there but we only spent a few months before deciding my husband could not live in that climate with his asthma and we consequently sold the property (for a hefty profit I might add).
It was thirty years too early to move to Virginia and it would be with another husband. God gave me "West" Virginia instead because I knew I was to go to Virginia and by putting in my mind "West" my soul was semi appeased. Yet the Holy Spirit led me back to Virginia and West Virginia fifteen years later and eight years before eventually moving there. I was to go and find horse farms to learn horse therapy for my oldest daughter, and so we traveled up and down Virginia looking for horse farms, and then West Virginia to study what the horse farm was to look like. Yet it was me who started the horse therapy with the School of Being, not my daughter, although I invited her to come to help me, which she did for a while.
It was, in part, the school and move to Virginia and purchasing a half million dollar property that pushed my husband into making the decision to divorce me. He did not have the faith that we could afford the property and especially not the faith that this was God inspired and ordained because he did not have the belief that God was directing my life. Yet, inspired by heaven, I was led to have a fundraising for most of the down payment, and the school tuitions would help pay the mortgage. I had complete faith that this was so. It was nine months later and the night before his separation announcement that I experienced the profound grief that something traumatic was about to unfold. How would I have known all these things unless it was predestined?
For many years prior to our separation and afterward, I was tested in my separation of inner communion with God, first with being able to give out love in the face of adversity. Then with experiencing rejection from those who chose to isolate themselves from my love and instead I would often receive back from some family member their willful resentment for my being God-centered. My God-centeredness meant that I had moral boundaries between right and wrong. I also found myself surrounded by people who did not believe there was a right and wrong and everything is acceptable as long as you claimed you loved everyone and everything unconditionally.
A Relationship with Unconditional Love
For many years my husband, Kim, had been changing along this line of unconditionality. At first, I felt his love was Christ in action. My view of Jesus changed from my orthodox upbringing after my participation with the Ascended Master Teachings. Jesus was still the Christ, but not the only Son of God or only Christ. Christ was the Son of God and that Christ was the real self of every child of God. Therefore, Christ was universal and Jesus came to show us how to be the Christ. That belief was already a stark difference from any Christian church.
The first person I felt unconditional love from was from Kim. He would not get upset with me no matter how I treated him or what I did. In one sense this was very healing for me because I felt unloved by my family and he presented me with the first view of being loved no matter what I did or did not do. I had the unconscious belief that it had to be something inherently wrong with me that caused my family not to love me and thereby I was unloveable because I wasn't perfect enough. In that sense, I also loved my husband unconditionally that he was Christ-like because he loved with what I believed was Christ love. Yet I still saw his faults and chose to not focus on them. Still, in a relationship you cannot live together and be in agreement with everything one is doing. In those times you must speak out and share your point of view in why something can be done a better way or improve the way you live together. How else do we grow except by experiencing a wrong act and learning from the consequences or witnessing something done by another that had serious detrimental effects on some part of life? Is not speaking out in truth a form of compassion and a very caring act when done from a place of love?
While we had differences in the first decade of our marriage there were few arguments because my husband would just let me have "my way". It was not in his belief system to point out one's faults or speak out with what he really felt. He appeared to believe that being non-attached to what others did was the best course of action. Yet, how can you live joyfully with another if you have to suppress your wants and needs that may differ from your partner's? Resentment or anger is bound to arise in time, and yet my husband also believed that expressing either was inharmonious. That was simply not acceptable to him. Consequently, there would be a build-up of energy that would eventually come out towards me in some negative comment like, "Don't ever wear those pants again!" He was particular about the way his "woman" dressed and wore her hair. I learned this eventually, but not soon enough to prevent his love waning for my not being "feminine" enough. He had a need, actually several needs and desires he did not want to confess to, which put a strain on our marriage when he kept them to himself with his belief of unconditional love and not speaking out his truth.
The "Real" Jesus and the Conscious You
The second decade of our marriage changed with his new relationship with his "Master Jesus" and the development of his website to have his Jesus answers people's questions. He believed the Jesus of the Bible was now supporting him after his supporting Jesus in his earthly life two thousand years ago. Together, they were going to change the way others knew the "real Jesus" from the Jesus of Scripture, as taught by orthodox Christianity. Christianity, he believed, was a rigid religion, along with Judaism, and no part of Christianity represents this true path of Kim's Jesus. In fact, Christianity is a disguised form of Satanism or devil worship, according to his website articles.
What followed were years of Kim's Jesus answering hundreds of questions that ran the gamut from mundane and earthly to philosophical and spiritual. And we were to believe every word of those answers as being the absolute truth, such as Christianity is a disguised form of Satanism. While yet, he teaches, there is an ultimate truth but it can never be expressed through words or defined on earth. Ultimate truth, he says, is that all life is one and that God wants us to grow, and transcend, and come back into oneness. If you believe there is a truth that can be defined on earth, an absolute truth, then you are trapped in the belief that truth is relative.
What was this Jesus that Kim was getting his audience to know as the "real Jesus" that Christians have no connection with? His Jesus came to awaken us from a particular state of consciousness, which is the human ego. That consciousness is the fallen consciousness that believes we are mortal beings, separated from God, and must be saved by Jesus' death on the cross. Rather, his reasoning is, we are spiritual beings who are having a mortal experience, and all separation from God is an illusion. Priests do not have the power to forgive our sins and we have the power to interpret Scripture ourselves because the kingdom of God is within us. Thus, no outer path or teaching is going to save us and we especially don't need any outer religion. Also, the ego is the dualistic self that believes in right and wrong and good and evil. In essence, the ego is the anti-christ, a state of consciousness that is separated from the undivided and indivisible reality of the formless God.
The reasoning behind no right and wrong is that nothing can be opposite the formless God because God is beyond form. Right and wrong are dualistic concepts created by the anti-christ, i.e. our egos. We are to focus on the beam in our own eye and not on the mote in another. Therefore, we never have the right to help another see something about themselves that is not only hurting them but hurting others as well. The reasoning is that one is never free from duality or anti-christ to do so.
The devil is the polarity to a conditional god of graven images, not the real formless God. Thus good and evil have no reality in God and the devil through others is used to righteously kill another (such as during the Crusades) because the other person/group can be accused that their "right" is "of the devil". It is the ego or anti-christ that defines what is right and wrong from this anti-christ mind. Consequently, Christ (consciousness) does not bring a definition of truth. Instead, what the Christ consciousness role is to urge you to look beyond your current image of truth and "question everything". The fault supposedly most people have is that their understanding of truth is based on form and God is beyond form, so we cannot know truth through words but only through a direct experience of God such as a direct encounter with Christ or some out-of-body experience. Then we have a "frame of reference" through our minds to choose Christ or anti-christ.
Yet, these Conscious You teachings state there is no reality to being a sinner. Hence, with the belief that you are one with God, not a sinner, and the kingdom of God is within you, could you not then be able to express the truth to another caught in their ego that their actions are harmful to others and themselves? Apparently not, since in all the twenty years of our marriage Kim did not believe it appropriate to point out any of my wrongs, for the most part. Yet, by the time he made his decision to take up a relationship with another woman, he was filled with all manner of absurd remarks about what faults I had that he could no longer live with.
Projecting and Accuser of the Brethren
During our last physical conversation together before he left, he revealed to me what our community began to see about what the Conscious You says through a person controlled by their minds—and the underlying cause. The technique the totally controlled Conscious You person uses to defend their withdrawal from life, that is, real Godly existence, is to accuse another of doing exactly what they are doing, which I will address in a moment. While Kim had been withdrawn from me, silent and uncommunicative long before he left, after making his purpose known to me to put me out of his life he became very brazen in his accusations. The purpose was to assuage his guilt and any sense of responsibility for his actions and project onto me that my actions were to blame for his leaving me and had nothing to do with his actions except to admit that he did not stand up to me earlier, and that was his only responsibility of wrongdoing. Whatever he had done or was doing was all right and good with God. He even said at his deposition two years later that God did not care that he was adulterous in his relationship that he began two weeks after he left our marriage. The underlying cause of this mind control was to avoid responsibility for one's actions.
During that last conversation, I was accused of being too responsible in that it was a "false sense of responsibility" along with the need to "have order and structure". He said it was actually taking me from Being! Ironic, since I was teaching Being at the School of Being. It appeared his concept of what Being was is to be "detached" or in his words "unattachment", which he perceives as the Buddhic "middle way". He claimed he had found the "middle way" of letting go of all sense of responsibility and concerns and that I even contributed to that because I so easily made decisions without him. Speaking out the truth to others, I was told, was due to "black and white" thinking. The result was that I was always in a dualistic battle with some "enemy" out there.
I was following the inner direction of my soul and the inner/outer direction of heaven until I could come into complete union with my soul. This highly disturbed Kim because it was not his methodology of survival, living, and true happiness. Doing whatever you wanted without feeling guilt and shame was the priority. I was choosing to follow the inner no matter the difficulty and pain I knew could follow. I was trying to be a moral person in oneness with God's will.
While some of these Conscious You beliefs make sense and have a grain of truth in them, his path and teaching actually empower the human ego to do "its own thing" through his interpretation of what Jesus was actually saying and teaching. After all, you can interpret Scripture how you want. No priest is holy and above you in spiritual attainment. You are not a sinner. There is no wrong defined by any outer teaching, church or holy person, but only from the "direct experience" within yourself. How does one know their experience is the real truth? And cannot truth be shared by those who also have a direct experience and preach the word of God as prophets, clergy, and enlightened beings?
The Soul vs. the Conscious You
Christians believe the soul is the immortal part of ourselves that is a part of our spiritual self. The Ascended Master teachings taught that the soul can die if it falls in with the devil and Satan. A disturbing thing in the Conscious You belief system of Kim's is that the soul is the mortal part of ourselves that must die. The soul is supposedly the creation of the Conscious You and it is made up of misqualified energies such as the dualistic consciousness. The Conscious You is the immortal essence of ourselves that enters form to have any experience it wants, even to sin. Nothing the Conscious You does it is responsible for, only the mortal soul and ego are responsible.
Think about this. The Conscious You cannot die, it can experience anything it wants (including evil) through the soul and ego, and not take responsibility for any wrongdoing. It simply has to let go of the ego and soul at the end of its venture on earth and that is the end of the story. Where is our God created being in this picture? My understanding is that we do not need to focus on our happiness. Happiness and joy come naturally as a result of Being. Being yourself, your God created self you were meant to be, is being love in action. When you love you naturally receive back love and joy. Creating a Conscious You self that does not have to take responsibility for its actions because its creation, the soul, has all the responsibility for being unloving and unkind, is a way to feel good while yet remaining in negative energy spirals.
In the Conscious You belief system, it seems that compassion does not exist. It is supplanted by the mind or Conscious You. Thereby, these teachings were even changing further the concept of Christ than given through the Ascended Master teachings. Love is equalized and given the same to all. Everyone is loved unconditionally and no one is better than another in the sense of attainment. Love from Conscious You individuals feels like a mechanical love and a decision, not a love that wells up from the heart in defense of life and in righteousness and gives to give, not to receive.
To defend some part of life simply means to the Conscious You that one is caught in dualistic thinking and thereby one's actions are from the anti-christ. While the words "right and wrong" are not used to describe these states of fallen consciousness of a person outside of the Conscious You mentality, it is implied that they are one with the fallen consciousness of the anti-christ and thereby are stuck in "mental boxes". Clearly, there is a right and wrong state of consciousness in the Conscious You.
Unconditional Love in Heaven and Life Reviews
Many people come back from near-death experiences and describe receiving and feeling unconditional love from some heavenly figure, especially Jesus. God/Jesus can, and do love, their creation unconditionally. They do not judge us for our sins. God has compassion for us that we cannot see clearly behind the veil while we are in time and space and often succumb to the temptations of the devil and Satan. While God has compassion for us, God allows suffering to help purify ourselves, according to near-death experiencers. God is love 1 John 4:8. We are created in His image and likeness. Therefore we are love as well. One cannot remain in heaven with a sin consciousness. That is why the angels who rebelled against God's will "fell" from their estate. They were cast out of that realm and relegated to the lower spheres of creation.
When near-death experiencers visit the heavenly realm they are enveloped in this love and often state that this is "home". This is our true place of existence. We are only here on earth temporarily to grow and learn and develop our love while separated from our real home in heaven. The real home in the Conscious You belief system is the "formless God". The goal of the Conscious You is to return to formlessness where there is no differentiation between anyone. All are one in the formless God. There is no self or identity left. For what purpose would our incarnation in form be if we were to return to this formless undifferentiated oneness?
I also believe that this choice to enter the lower planes is initially our free will choice. Later, if we are ensnared with temptations to sin while behind the veil in Maya, the Laws of God take command and rebirth occurs in order to continue to develop our uniqueness and natural aptitude to be loving beings, as well as having an opportunity to remedy our wrong choices and responses to evil. While in the lower spheres of time and space we cannot love unconditionally as God loves us because we are constantly tempted to sin.
Why is it that many near-death experiencers relate that they had life reviews while temporarily separated from their physical bodies? What would be the purpose of a life review? It is to show their choices have consequences and ramifications to all parts of life through the ripple effect. Whether one calls it sin or misguided choices, every experience and choice can help us grow in enlightenment, love, and spiritual development, even sins, when we see how our actions affect other parts of life and have remorse for those sins. A life review is the fastest way to see what positive and negative consequences appear from our choices. A life of hard knocks is the slow way to learn how we always receive back what we send out.
God has made us as responsible beings. As a wise parent/creator, God has given us guidelines and a framework to live and Be in harmony with Him. Our choices that take us out of harmony with God also disrupt and take others out of harmony with God and that is the ripple effect—for either good or with detrimental results. God sees all of our inharmonious choices and the effect upon all parts of life. We are generally slow to see and respond positively to our wrong actions. We also need to remember that we are always responsible for ourselves and our actions, but not for others. If we can help another that is fine, but we are not responsible for their choices. That is a false sense of responsibility and is based on pride.
There is absolutely no judgment from heaven during a life review. If there is any judgment, it is from the reviewer towards themselves and their past action. Because we hear of these reviews, these individuals have had an opportunity to come back and remake their lives in how to do and be better people and then share their experiences in heaven with us. What do they say is their main goal after returning from death? The overwhelming consensus is that expressing love is their supreme goal. While some return and use the word "unconditional love" as to how they should love another, many also say that they need to be the "pure love" of God and that we need to learn to love ourselves first if we hope to love others purely. Loving others literally becomes the only thing that matters and the joy that follows sharing our love. No one I have found has returned to life and speaks of a Conscious You or developing the mind as the supreme goal while on earth. It is the small, compassionate acts to any part of life that is brought to the experiencer's attention.
Epic Dramas, Mental Boxes, and Negative Spirals
Kim coined the word "epic dramas" and began to use it in a judgmental way. A drama as defined by him is any drama created from duality, meaning it has two opposites that can only be in conflict. Therefore, built into the drama is conflict, which for the personal drama means conflict with other people or your physical environment. An epic drama is greater than one individual. Kim began to place labels on me and others who felt as I did for wanting to clear the air of unresolved conflict between some members because he said we were then drawing conflicts to us as if we needed them to survive. So rather than finding my husband supportive towards me and my attempts to help people, he turned on me as a product of just such as the ones I was trying to help. I became to him the problem in his world. I further aggravated this by writing to people to share with them my concerns about their behavior at our last New Year's conference together where some students had conflicts while sharing a room together. I brought their conflict out in the open during one of our sessions to work on it as a group. Later, some of my correspondences with these people drew Kim into the conflict when they turned to him to try to get his support and prove me wrong in my leadership and healing abilities. It was not the first time someone was disciplined by me and they tried to get Kim to side with them against me.
Another word phrase connected with these "epic dramas" Kim used was "mental boxes". After our separation, Kim wrote many public discourses that were meant to describe what all those who did not agree with him and his choices were doing. Along with epic dramas, egos, and dualistic thinking was the accusation of our having "mental boxes". As I mentioned earlier, it became apparent that these discourses contained projections that others (us) were caught in all these dramas and mental boxes while it appeared to us that he was definitely caught in his own mental boxes and then projecting them onto us. In other words, Kim had created a huge mental box which had every form and structure of mental concepts to make excuses for his behaviors.
In one discourse he wrote shortly after our separation, he described difficulty in getting caught in negative spirals of criticism of others, especially leaders. Those articles described his involvement in four of these negative spirals with his Transcendental Meditation involvement, with the Summit Lighthouse and even one while living with me that involved his workplace. I was witness to not only that negative spiral but one of his Summit Lighthouse negative spirals as well. He claimed that these spirals keep us trapped in epic and personal dramas. He wrote:
"As these students are shocked out of their idolatry, they will collectively create a negative spiral in which they reinforce each other in their self-righteous blame of the leader. You will often see that such a negative spiral is formed very quickly, and you can see how those who will not take responsibility and want to blame are instantly sucked into it. Once in the spiral, there is almost no end to the negativity and blame that these people will send out."
At the conclusion of the article, he admitted that:
"I have recently realized that one of my personal dramas is that I have had a desire to have people like me, to see me as kind and to have a positive opinion about me... every time I have allowed myself to react negatively to a situation, I have resisted something. And in that resistance I have misqualified energy, because I have responded with fear, anger, a sense of injustice or other negative emotions. Thus, I started building a vortex of negative energy which eventually became so powerful – in some cases by tying in to other people's energies or planetary vortexes – that it overpowered my conscious mind. As a result, my attention, my life experience, was eaten up by this negative focus."
Another comment that was very surprising was that he related these spirals to an addiction.
"It is our wounds that cause us pain, yet I realized years ago that pain can become so familiar that we almost can't live without it—we think this is the way life has to be. A negative spiral gives us a great drive to change other people – or judge and condemn them if they will not comply – and this gives us a "perfect" justification for not changing ourselves. This is actually a very aggressive, intense and powerful energy, and it is like a roller coaster that may have its ups and downs—but it is nevertheless thrilling. These energies can literally become a drug, and you can become addicted to it."
I am not aware of ever being involved in one of these negative spirals with leaders and it was painful to witness my husband going through his work one. There is a lot of negative energies that feel like resentment, anger, and hate. His conclusion was to stop trying to change other people's minds which he says spring from the desire to get people to change their perspective of him. He would attempt to remain Buddhic and peaceful by remaining unattached. That is easy to say but in reality, the only way he got out of the negative spiral of his workplace was quitting the job, which I suggested to him and what he followed through to do. What I saw was pride as the cause. He believed he could do better than his boss and he should have her job. He also believed he could do better than the Summit Lighthouse leaders and he should have their jobs, and so on. Yet this realization did not occur to him because he still could not see his hidden pride.
Through these experiences he developed the Conscious You reality to project onto everyone outside his own "mental boxes" that they are wrong, that they are in mental boxes, that they are stuck in systems and structures which are closed boxes, that they have lost their equilibrium causing them to be in epic dramas defending black and white dualistic concepts. What was obvious to me was that he simply could not see the hidden underlying cause which was that he believed what he heard from within was the truth.
Inner Communication, Knowing and Faith
Knowing had been an integral part of my life before joining the Summit Lighthouse whereupon I then set aside the inner knowing for the outer direction of the guru and wisdom of the ascended masters. What I have learned from being in the Ascended Master teachings and receiving my own inner communication is that we cannot believe everything we receive within. I have had constant confirmation that my inner direction was correct over the years. I have also received direction within that took me on wild goose chases. Still, I feel there was a purpose in those directions that was necessary that I and others with me had to go through. Yet that inner communication is not inner knowing. Knowing is beyond hearing and clairaudience and is not open to evil influences.
I have received false communication that comes through my inner communication even with my prayers. I know my communication isn't always true. It is a fact that anyone who has clairaudience can also receive telepathically from the spirit world. Most channelers believe their communications are from higher spiritual beings, not from lower spirits. This was the case for all the messengers of ascended master movements, including Helena Blavatsky who opened the door in the West to Eastern adepts supposedly in embodiment but higher beings than ordinary incarnated souls.
If I receive words from within what I do is to let any direction sit on the shelf. If after weeks or months of praying to God about the direction I received, and it continues and I intuitively feel it is right, I will move ahead. Most of the direction that brings the best outcome comes from the place of knowing and not from words. Knowing is similar to intuition but different in that there is no thoughts or words or time involved. You simply know and act without contemplation. Knowing comes from oneness with God. Oneness of God best comes through Being.
All the Conscious You teachings appear to be a way to describe and define what goes on in the mind of someone who has problems with non-being. In Being you are free. In the Conscious You there is all this "mind" stuff of mental boxes, negative spirals of thought, ways to avoid engaging with others and feeling blamed and not liked, etc. All these problems Kim described he had, appear to have come from issues of anti-being. When you are Being you don't think. Thinking causes worry, concerns, fears, reasoning, justification, etc. The Conscious You believes you must question everything. If you do question everything, where is the room for faith in your life?
Being and faith go together. While writing this article I awoke one morning with a strange dream experience. Everything seemed to go wrong in the dream. Someone arranged for me to have a Uber taxi type service. I was not prepared for doing that work with my car. I had to rush to pick someone up and my car wasn't clean, I was not dressed properly, I had no purse or money on me, and I had no GPS. Nevertheless, I went and picked up the man and drove him to a destination. I was surprised to find myself right in front of a building he wanted to go to first. Somehow I managed to get right where he needed to go.
While I was waiting for him I wandered into the building and my car was taken away. I had to find my car afterward and somehow did and then I found myself on a sandy mountain road. The occupants of the car said you can drive up that sandy narrow path and I exclaimed that I could not! It was impossible because it was up an incline and my car was not built to drive on that sand. Yet I did drive up it with faith.
Then the man made me an appointment for lunch. It wasn't a restaurant, but a home where another man cooked me a meal. I was very concerned because I did not have any money and how I was going to pay him for it? After most of the meal was finished the man received a telephone call that someone was coming up to his apartment and that I needed to leave right away because he did not want me there when the other person came. So I quickly left—without paying for the meal!
So all these circumstances appeared that I could worry about and fear I was not able to do this or that or be rightly equipped to handle whatever I was set up to do. Yet everything always worked out perfectly. Why? For me, it clearly meant that when we have faith and trust in God all our problems are like dust in the wind. They have no substance because God is greater than our worldly problems. Yet God cannot act in our world unless we have faith. Faith is the invitation for God to Be through us and for us to be one with Him.
For souls that are not evil, fear is the greatest detriment to a joyful life. Faith is the antidote to fear. Living in faith really means you have surrendered your life to God and you are willing to follow His will. Wrong desires take us away from faith, such as the desire to be rich, famous, admired, liked, and appreciated. Put your attention completely on God and there will be no need to have recognition from the world. God's love is enough to more than make up for owning worldly possessions, receiving admiration, and being liked and appreciated by other people.